Now granted my entire highschool romantic and living lifestyles were based primarily on the fact that I disosciated completely from everything. but the problem with that is the lack of creativity. When I stop feeling, I stop thinking too. Being a robot was cool when I was a teen, but now, I love the way I think because of emotion. It'c changed the world, it adds hues of color to conversation. I can see red, I can turn green, I can feel blue. The notes of my emotion are plucked strings in my head trying to spell out a tune.

I value this now.

I have to let the suffering in. Once I turn off, I stay that way for months, years, even.

It is tempting though.

No. It's. Not. No it's not.

Why am I still trying to make sense of it all?

Why can't I just let go and slip into insanity completely, and give up?

Is it strength?

Or is it weakness?

I need to. I don't even really accept that there is any other choice.

I can't get back from here. I'm definitely to far.

But I can't... I can't let go of the last straws. I'm clutching them.

In my death grip.