My life sucks so hard right now. There's just all this shit going on and it's all flying around and buzzing around my head and I'm trying to swat it... but it's everywhere. My emotions change every day, but now really. More like my perceptions change every day. I'm a real negative nancy these days. I just wake up depressed, go to work depressed, go home depressed. All I ever want to do anymore is sleep, I have been sleeping so much lately, sometimes like ten hours a night. And I just feel more and more tired every time, but I dont want to find things to do. I just want to sleep more and more.
I'm pretty lonely at this point in my life. I'm just thinking more and more about how I dont really have any friends. Like I have friends, but lets face it, they're really actually my brothers friends, but my brother and I are tight so I am tight with them too.
I dont actually have any friends though. That's pretty sad. All I have are my brothers friends, my ex girlfriends and my girlfriend.
At least all these people are great.
I dunno what I'm saying anymore. I have a few hours before work starts. Maybe I'll take a nap.
No, wait. So I got the appartment I breifly mentioned, but never elaborated about, a few entries back. It's really slick and I love living there except that I'm alone all the time, but my brother and his girlfriend are moving into my other room for febuary, and I'm really excited about that. I love my brother and seeing him every day would rock. And his girlfriend and I have had a pretty fucking weird history, but I pretty much think she's amazingly witty and interesting, and it'll be nice having some eye candy around the house. Maybe that's a gross thing to say. I meant as a joke. Mostly.
I'm staring to feel at this point in my life that I'm oing to be completely fucking miserable no matter what I do. All I ever feel is sad. I need like constant distractions. This kind of mindset leads to drug abuse. It's a good thing I cannot even come close to afford that quantity of drugs.
Oh man. I got fucked HARD because of the person who was supposed to be my roomate ditching, and all the vacation over xmas and new years, and now being cut every day because nobody buys after x-mas. I have been broke as fuck, but scraping by. But my budget is great and once The list fixes and I start getting paid the normal amount, I am going to have SO MUCH MONEY. My job is fucking amazing! And I get paid so well, except in january. Stephan was talking to me about how I am one of his top level sellers, and how he sees that I have really good leadershiip skills, he's talking about moving me around campaigns to diversify my experience base. Meanwhile another guy who has only been working there for four months, just made Coach. This gives me something to aim for.
Aaaaanyway.
I do have things to keep me going, of course. I should pay them more attention when I'm down. The click of a switchblade always makes me smile.
I feel like playing Pokemon stadium.
AND DEADSPACE.
I'm totally in a videogame mood today. Call of Duty would go down nice. Maybe some Sniper Fi with a solid comrade in arms.
People who know me would describe me as a wildly arrogant, alarmingly inconsistent, infuriatingly passive, manipulative, alluring prick. I would describe myself as confident, clever, and relaxed.
...So in other words, I agree.
Conquered
5/8 lobes/ 14 gauge nipple/ 8 gauge foreskin/
Moon Phase tattoo/ Upper arm scarification/ Inverse Navel/ Black cuffs (In progress) Rib stars
Once upon a time Vertical anti eyebrow/ Vertical labret Septum/ second lobes/ nostril
Eyes Children of men, pieces of april, The Breakfast club, Little children, the secratary, little miss sunshine, the jungle book /// Lamb/ The Outsiders/ The gun seller/ Choke/ White Oleander/ The jungle books / Gates of fire
Ears Mindless Self Indulgence/ Tupac Shakur/ Eminem/ Jay Z/ Trigger Effect/ Streetlight Manifesto/
