2009/10/22 01:43 A few weeks ago I cemented a relationship with Emily, a traveling chick I wrote about in the past (bobber, 2009/05/26), after I confessed that I was falling in love with her.
I've never had a real romantic relationship with anyone in my adult life. I've always been rejected by anyone I've felt the desire to open up with on that level. Now I've stirred up a flurry of emotions in me that I didn't expect and I'm afraid to express. Insecurity, doubt, shame, and confusion.
Yesterday our mutual friend and my house mate, Jon Duncan, sent me a weird message implying something happened of mysterious and dangerous nature that was purposefully vague. At the end he concluded he might not be in the area for a while. I showed it to Emily and we discussed in concern about what might have happened. Shortly the message was followed by a digitalized voice mail that appeared to be from some sort of law enforcement.
I tried to call Duncan, and then my friends when I couldn't get a hold of him. Rodney was the only one who answered my calls and I informed him. Sharing our worry he called Duncan. He reported that Duncan would not shed any further light on what was going on.
I started to suspect Duncan was trying to pull another one of his fucked up pranks but I was still worried. When I arrived home I asked my room mates about the situation. Ryan told me that Duncan seemed to panic and grab stuff from his room and then took off in his girlfriends car (I've never seen Duncan drive a car), Ryan not knowing where Duncan's girlfriend was at. I was scared for Duncan and worried about what this might do to everything he'd worked for as of late.
Later that evening while I was making a salad, Duncan walked into the house and delivered his "Gotcha" moment. I called him a horrible fuck and laughed at the shit he just pulled and informed him that he should probably call Emily and let her know he was alright. "That or you could drag it out a little bit more with her."
He sent her a text and she called me about an hour later about it. I played along, rather convincingly. After completing the conversation I went down stairs and told Duncan about her calling me. He laughed and decided to call her and reveal the nature of this ruse. She didn't find humor in it and actually was very emotionally betrayed by our lies. "It's not funny when you have friends who actually are on the run from fucked up situations."
Before this I was concerned about my problems communicating with this person I'm trying to build a sincere connection with. Now, I just spit on it. I feel like shit and there's nothing I can do about it.
Last night Emily told me about how so many of her friends where never there for her when she actually needed them. I told her that I was sorry and how lucky I've been that I've had the friends I've had. Hopefully she'll stick around long enough to see that.
