2010/01/05 00:11 I am developing a little crush.
I don't know if it's exactly healthy at this point.
An old friend from way back in the day has recently been reintroduced to me. He's always been a super-nice guy. We've always gotten along.
Said friend is the object of said crush.
I keep telling myself that I'm not looking to get into any type of relationship just yet, with the bad end to my marriage. Yet, I can't keep myself from thinking of him all the time. And talking to him.
I'm pretty sure he's oblivious to it, and would almost rather keep it that way for fear of hurting him/myself. As I said, he's a super-nice guy; super-innocent as well...never dated, always lived with his parents, etc...
Am trying my best to keep my {possibly misguided} feelings out of the picture, and just rebuild an old friendship. If more happens later, cool, but I don't want to just rebound into something that will ruin said friendship as well as him...
In other news, the bad news in my family continues.
My stepfather was rushed to Hamilton for emergency surgery Saturday night. He has major clots in his abdomen, and they are mobile. He had the big ones removed, and is being monitored until they can run tests to find out why he's getting them.
/end whiny rant.
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2009/12/25 13:27 Decided that this year I wasn't running around everywhere a long time ago. Before I left Greg. With everything else that has been going on, it's only reinforced the idea that the last thing I need is another stress in my life.
Was going to stay home with Shaun and just relax, but Mom asked me to come to Grandma's in Dover. Ok. So, here we are, and it STILL doesn't feel like Christmas to me...
My aunt is dealing with yet another bout of cancer. Instead of just being the skin on her scalp, now it has spread (and she has a giant cell tumour, which isn't supposed to spread, but also isn't supposed to affect people as young as she is). It's back in the area it was, and around in the area that got the fallout from radiation, as well as down the one side of her head and behind and in ear. The back of her ear has split open, she has lost the hearing in the affected ear, and all the lymph nodes in her neck, jaw, etc on that side are swollen. Our wonderful family doctor (we all have the same one) told her that it was an ear infection this past summer, and gave her antibiotic drops and sent her on her way... 7 years of telling her that she was fine with what happened to her head before another doctor taking her seriosuly and finding out it was cancer. Now, she has an unspecified cancer that is likely highly aggressive, and leads to radical disfiguring surgery... and again, the doctor tells her she's fine. It's fucking bullshit.
And on that note, I got some wonderful news yesterday as well. Merry fucking Christmas. My Mom has cancer now too. She's a "DES daughter" and has a squamous cell carcinoma in her vulva. Over two years of the same family doctor telling her that it was chronic yeast, bladder infections, oral herpes, etc. Nope, she just got the news yesterday from a cold-hearted surgeon in Hamilton that she has cancer and will have to have a full vulvectomy and a partial lymphectomy.
They are removing her inner and outer labia, her vulva, her clitoris, her cervix (would also be uterus, but she's already had that taken out).
Because of being a DES daughter, she is now in a study. DES was a medication given to women to stop them from miscarrying, and my grandmother took it during her pregnancy with my mother. Grandma's biggest risk is a slightly increased risk of breast cancer, but second generation (those exposed in utero) are finding a lot more complications, and the biggest one thats coming up for women is the same cancer my mother has.
This also means that I will likely be involved in the study, as they are recognizing symptoms in third generation exposure. There isn't a lot of data on third generation, because many of us are too young to fully manifest, but some of the suspected complications are exactly what I have been experiencing/diagnosed with. At least I now know WHY I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive, and WHY I have PCOS. I'm really hoping that's the extent of it, but only time will tell...
So, yet another fun thing in the life of me...
Whatever, take it in stride... Bitch about it in a journal and put it out of your mind; there's bigger things to deal with.
Wishing everyone happy holidays, and better things in 2010 :)
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2009/12/23 02:00 I really wish 2009 was over. It's been a pretty bad year.
And to top it all off, I think I just made the blondest move of my life to date.
I was outside on the phone, finishing a cigarette from earlier and managed to light my fucking hair on fire! So, instead of my dreads that I've coveted for so long and attempted THREE FUCKING TIMES NOW, I have this mess that is now above my shoulders. It's simply not meant to be...
I smothered the smouldering mass on my head and made sure it was out before turning on the tap outside and dousing my head in freezing water. I came inside and assessed the damage, found that I was to lose about 6 inches and hacked off whatever couldn't be salvaged.
What a fucking mess!
So, washed my hair with straight vinegar to help kill the smell, then washed the crap outta it and conditioned for the first time in over 8 months. I only had some 2-in-1 kicking around from Greg, since I gave up conditioner when I put the dreads back in.
Obviously, I can't be left unattended.
Obviously, I need to quit smoking.
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2009/12/17 00:02 So, things are still crazy and ridiculous. Of course. Nothing should ever be simple.
Anyways, beyond more drama and empty threats from my "husband," life goes on. I filed my court papers today, and served him as well. I also applied for legal aid, as my income is government assistance until I'm done school. He was less than impressed with my demands, but they are standard, and given the circumstances, more than generous. Legal Aid & F&CS both suggested a restraining order and only supervised access with staggered arrivals so I don't have to put up with his shit.
His Mom is coming tomorrow to see Shaun. Fine by me, I have nothing against her (except maybe that she's hiring him a pricey lawyer to fight this case, and supporting his decision to try and have custody taken from me and granted to her {because he won't get it, and knows it} when she has no desire to become a full-time mom again). Either way, I love his mother, she's a sweet lady, if a little scatter-brained.
Have been flying through these last couple weeks and days before Christmas break, and I can't wait to have two weeks off! My last exam before break was today. I THINK I passed. I HOPE I passed... Should find out soon...
Got my papers to send away for my second year OSAP, first installment, so also hoping that I get that before Christmas so I can afford to buy Shaun a Christmas gift, pay my rent and bills, etc. It could be a long time before I ever see child support, and I'm having no luck finding a roommate that is willing to live with someone that has a kid.
Well, off to bed, I'm expecting a surprise visit from F&CS at any time, and I would like to be somewhat rested if they show up...
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