Alright, well. Slight update to the page. I’m still working on getting my camera software uploaded. Will post better pictures then. And I’ll take the old ones down and resize them. I just don’t want my account deleted before I get around to that.

But in any case. I’ve a huge interest in body modification. I wrote a paper on it last semester, and I’m doing it again this semester. Looking for interviewees – if anyone is interested in letting me interview them regarding their mods, let me know!

This account isn’t just for my paper though. I have had a significant interest in body modification since my junior year of high school or so, but as of late, my interest in it has absolutely exploded. I’ve been going through a rough time as of late, and Modblog.bmezine.com has kept me sane – as strange as that sounds.

But anyways, about me…

Current Mods:

14g Navel

16g Eyebrow

Buddies

The Flavor of Last Summer

So your question is, why get it done if only I can see it?

And the answer is because I'm getting it for myself, so it doesn't matter if others can see it or not.

That said, I do want to get it on my wrist. Others could see it there. My reservations on that though are how it would effect me in the work environment...visibly tattooed persons are somewhat discriminated against. It would massively limit my work opportunities, and my ability to move up in a company. I've not yet decided if having my tattoo where I can see it at will is worth that much added hardship to my life.

But getting back on point. Short of the effect it would have in a work environment, the visibility of my tattoo to others is not important to me, short of the impact it will have on my partner when they find it on my body during sex for the first time.

I want to get "Where do your loyalties lie?" tattooed, because it always turns out to be the center point of my life. In the lowest points of my life, the problem can always be linked back to that statement - whether other’s loyalties are what fucked me, or if it was own loyalties that got me in trouble, or if my personal loyalties are what I need to focus on to get out of trouble. But some how, it always relates. It always goes back to where my loyalties lie?

So in my most angsty times, I clinge to the phrase pretty hardcore. It usually ends up as my desktop, or my myspace background. And I usually will doodle it on my hands every few days.

I know that if I had it on my body, during those low points, I could place a hand over the tattooed area and know it is there and know it'll see me through. I don't need others to be able to see it to gather that sense of relief/comfort from it.

In those long moments when I become aware of how fragile my life and its stability is, I could roll down my sleeve and read it over and over and over until I’m calmed enough for sleep or what have you.

I don't know how to explain why that is a comfort to me. I guess it reminds me when it is necessary for my loyalties to be to myself for the time being, because having them to another got me in trouble. Or it will remind me when shits gone askew in a personal relationship, that hey, as uncomfortable as things may be at the moment, your loyalties are to so-n-so and you need to do what is necessary to troop out the hardtime.

I don’t know how to explain it any clearer then that. But the phrase gets me through. And I know having it on my body would be a comfort during particular points of hardship, and a nice reminder of my priorities to keep things going smooth when things are well.

I want it on my wrist so I can touch it inconspicuously and look at it when necessary. I don’t know how realistic that is because of the work thing. I’ve also considered getting it on my lower back, my neck, around my nipple, or below my pant line on my stomach. The problem with the ones on the back are that I couldn’t easily see them if I wanted. The neck one could easily be touched for reassurance, but it would also be exposed then for all to see if my hair was short/up and I didn’t have a turtle neck. So still a problem for work cause I tend to put my hair up a lot of that. The nipple just sounds painful and I don’t know how it will look in 50 yrs. And I wouldn’t quite be able to cup my boob for comfort in public and not look a bit tacky. Having it on my stomach below my pant line would be fine for visibility and for touching it, but then there is the whole thing about when I sex someone for the first time, the first thing they are gonna see is the tattoo. Kinda a mood killer to explain all this during sex, yeah?

Anyways, yeah. That’s it I guess. I don’t know if that gives you any clarity as to why I’d want it even if others couldn’t see it. But yeah. *shrugs*

So that’s that.

Anyways. Last last weekend June 3-5, I went down to Santa Barbara with a friend to help her move out of her college dorm. It was good times, of course, as things always are with Jinnelle.

But the more exciting part. Shortly after we get down there, Jinnelle announced that she was going to get a new piercing at Precious Slut before moving back home, because she trusts the guy more then she does the major local shop up by where we live. And she informs me, ever so nicely, that I need to get one too.

So I'm thrilled! Until I realize that my father will probably disown me for getting any of the piercings I want done. Basically, my options were limited to a simple cartilage piercing. And so I got a little down. No offense to anyone with them, cause they look great, but they are such a boring, trendy piercing. I'm sure I'll get one eventually, once I get others, but I would feel so unmistakably trendy if I had a navel and cartilage piercing. Yeah, that combination just didn't interest me.

So I got to thinking about it. And I told her my thoughts on the cartilage, and she suggested I talked to my dad. Well, at first I was against it. But having the opporunity so within my grasp, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I called up my dad, and asked what the ramifications would be if I got a facial piercing. He was not thrilled, and was very evasive. He said he would be disappointed if I got it done, but he did not say he'd kick me out for getting it done.

From his general tone of voice, though, I sadly resigned myself from the idea. It was going to be more trouble then it was worth.

Well, Monday came around and Jinnelle and her friend went to get theirs done. Jinnelle was getting her tragus pierced, her friend got the lobes, and then they both looked to me when the cashier guy asked if I was getting something too.

Something just snapped in my head. I've wanted all sorts of piercings going on four years now. I've been entranced by the idea, looking up info, admiring those that had them, just in-love with body modification in general. But I've always refrained from pursuing anything more then my navel. Why? Because I was afraid what people would think of me, in short. I was nervous about facing the effects it would have in the work environment, and I was unsure how my father would take it. I was even conscious of how it would effect my social image on a whole - nobody would associate Kendra with body modification. She was sweet and innocence - piercings just don't go with her image.

So all this time I've been dreaming of it but not doing what I want to do - and why? Because of other people. Horrible reasoning. If its what I want, I should do it, for me. And not not do it, for them. If people are going to think ill of me because of it, then I don't need them in my life. I need people who will accept me for me - people who will understand that body modification is more then just a passing phase of interest for me.

So like I said. Something snapped in my head. And despite my dad's feelings, and what my future employer's will think, I looked at my friends and at the cashier guy and just said Fuck it. I'm getting this done!!

It was a thrill. My friends asked me to go first, and in my dyke-fashion, I was all macho and pretended to not be nervous in the least as I sat in the chair to get it done. Truth be told, I was a little nervous, but nothing like I had expected I would be. The clamp was a little uncomfortable, but the piercing didn't hurt at all. Actually, I felt a strange release, something akin to relief, as the needle passed through my skin. It was almost, relaxing.

So I got my left eyebrow pierced. :) It didn't strike me for a few minutes, but then I was beaming. I finally got it done! My friend was all like, I'm so glad you got it done! It really fits you! And it meant so much to me for her to say that. And I agree. It does fit me. And I'm incredibly happy with it. So to all of you who disagree, who kept me from pursuing this for how many years, fuck you. My body, my choice. And I know I made the right one. Even if it took me four years to do so, haha.

Oh, and so far, aftercare is going well. No problems I don't think. On Monday night though, same day that I got it done, my friend and I got slightly mixed up at a rest stop. This resulted in my friend trying to drive ONTO the EXIT RAMP of the freeway. And me going OH MY GOD! *smacks head...and recent eyebrow piercing* Well, thankful it was midnight so no one was out and we lived...at the expense of a thobbing eyebrow, hahaha. Definitely funny though, we both had a good laugh about it.

Pictures as follows. Pretty bad pictures of me in general, haha, but all I have thus far of the new piercing. All of them were taken the day after, at my other friends 666 party! :D