Well hello there. I trust everyone who reads this is sitting comfortably. After all, its widly acknowledged that brousing the internet should not be done while; skying, swimming, chasing small birds, and eating a stickybun. So with that out of the way I shall end this paragraph.

See....ended it, just like that. Bet you wern't expecting that.

and heres some more....

Here we are trading electrons on a big ball of rock in an empty space. Well i say empty. Its not entirely empty. There's a bit of dust, and few nutrinos and some radiation. But not really that much. Maybe enougth to fill an ice cube tray.

one of those novelty trays where you get ice cubes shaped like hampsters, or leaves. And while I'm on the subject of leaves, there hopeless at giving directions. Seriously, never ask a leaf for directions.

"Excuse me sir, do you know if theres a postbox near here?"
Nothing. They won't give you the time of day. Well maybe they might flutter in the wind. But thats all. Really, as flora goes, your better off asking a daffodil for financial advice than asking a leaf for directions.

Anyway, As I was saying, here we all are floating around on a lump of rock and water, with those pesky leaves, and a few giraffes and a few buttons. oh, and that balloon I say floating one night when I was 9 years old.

So buttons, leaves and giraffes. Thats what its all about. No need for gibberish and tom foolery, or even that fashionable sort of sillyness.

Good day to you sir.
Or marm.
Or sheep. If you've mastered typing with your hooves.
Mavis beacon teaches typing to farm animals.
The next big thing.
Cows doing blogs as there milked.
Chickens writing messages on there eggs for the people who buy them.
"I hope you enjoy this boiled egg and toast soldiers, I enjoyed laying it. May i suggest you also try scrabling this egg. Nothing cheers me up better to know that I spent a million years perfecting the egg for you to go and break the shell and then beat the innards into a pale yellow goo."

Pigs writing advice columbs for people who also enjoy mud baths.

Enougth of this nonsense, for nonsense it all is.

I have an ordinary name.
I came to this conclusion many years ago.
I'd much rather have an interesting name.
I'm in scotland now. The forth country I've lived in.
I have a car and a house.
No pets.
I have 2 moles, thirty three freckles, 6 piercings, and 9 tattoos. I have a small patch of dry skin on my right ankle, at least I did. perhaps I should update you on that. Its not there now. After careful consideration it thought that a few weeks ago would be a good time to cease being a patch of dry skin and become a normal patch of skin. It cited creative differences with a hair folicle a few inches away.

I'm almost two metres high(1.93m), and I weigh about 80 kilos.

Books
Books are great, there full of words and punctuation.
The last great book I read was the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. So understated, and yet, it was great. The story of a human stuck in an familiar world, and serching for the answer to the question.

As is traditional at this point, a list of my piercings, however short.
1 septum 4mm
centre tongue 2.4mm.
1 nipples 3.2mm
2 microdermal
and a navel 12mm. stretched from the normal 1.6mm.

A list of the rich and famous who've graced this page with an electronic glance.
11/21@21:44: (non-iam) (Zombieville)
11/19@14:12: piratevicious (Hamilton)
11/17@19:19: SpookyHeather (Saint Petersburg)
11/12@17:33: mylegitches (Vallejo)
11/12@13:39: NameLess (Bournemouth)
11/11@22:56: temporarycures (Albany)
11/11@14:13: Rach_Rach (Regina)
11/10@20:19: bloodangel1182 (Glasgow) via marmaduke_young
11/10@19:13: Marilyn (Montreal)

I've developed a "rapid response" action plan using the latest "blue sky" principles.

1. Stock up on canned apricots, custard powder and cocktail Cherry's.
2. Sharpen all match sticks to a fine point to be used as weapons(the novelty sized cocktail sticks had already sold out). Note-can also be used for the Cherry's.
3. Re-read lord of the flies.
4. Develop an understanding of the values and problems affecting the minority group known as "flesh eating, murdering Zombies". Note-if they become a majority I can delete this point.
5. Create a padded and protected outfit by glueing some of those impossible to destroy plastic playing cards into an old suit. This can be used in conjunction with point 2 when foraging for supplies.
6. Create a series of "don't panic" cards to be displayed around the flat.

I believe that with these procedures in place and a careful program of auditing, Kat(my girlfriend) and I will hopefully be able to weather the initial six months of caos. Following that we will re-domesticate some horses and make our way down to New Zealand(on the theory that it is separated from the rest of the world by the middle Kingdom and the shires).

If we don't make it then its been a pleasure to know you all, and thanks for all the fish.

PS. If we do make it, then we'll probably be hungry after spending six months living on custard powder coated apricots, and Cherry's dipped in Curacao.