I've just been looking thru my suspension pics properly for the first time in ages.. and oh, you know...

I realised that the last time I suspended I didn't tell Jon o_O I didn't try to hide it, I just didn't mention it and neither did he(if he noticed that is).
It was my 7th suspension and my second ressurection. I have never seen the pictures of it /: it was upstairs at Vampy's, does anyone have any?

Anyhow, told my new boy that I've booked a weekend off to go up to Norwich and he was like 'oooh, take lots of photos!' and I said I usually leave that up to other people ^_~; but I may have a go. He's a student photographer and I've been borrowing one of his lenses and praying I don't break it!

Really really looking forward to seeing people! I've been awful at keeping in touch. x x x x x

If by any chance there is someone reading this who didn't guess from my facebook or I haven't thrust in their face in person (; This is what's going on with me...

Jon took back the 'dumping' and tried to carry on as normal. I broke up with Jon - after 6 and a half years together. I feel bad, I never like hurting people and I'm scared I'm abandoning him, but it felt there was nothing left but him needing me around to check he wasn't going off the rails.

Another thing happened which made the decision both easier and more difficult, I met someone. I wasn't looking for someone in the slightest, it happened and the feelings were so intense and confusing and wonderful... but he's gone away to Australia for 4 months.

I dont regret anything. I mean that as a general rule but particularly I don't regret the time Jon and I had or how fast things have happened with Tom. I'm happy to be 'single' and celebate for the summer, I'm sad but I have a lot of friends in Bristol now and other friends I should be visiting (:

I live in Totterdown now by the way, in a house full of lovely people with a cat called Jack :D

...and guess what guys, I'm allowed to like weird stuff like suspending! I'm allowed to see you now without worrying!! I will probably be on IAM a little more often. x

I got in to University!!! :D

Really exciting stuff! I'm trying to stay positive, if any of you have been reading my journal on here for the past few years you will know about my rather turbulent 6.5 year relationship... I never read back through my entries, but they are there.

Well I've finally been dumped. Kinda. This week he's gone from 'I love you but I don't think I'm in love with you any more' to 'Of course I still love you but I don't want to live with you any more' via 'I love my job more than I love you'

So I live in Bristol on my own, with almost no income(I'm off sick from my part-time job with pnuemonia). I can either get really down and go off the rails, or enjoy my freedom and look forward to Uni. I'll work that one out when I can breathe again (;

I'm scared but excited.

After the reassurance from Jonn, theNOTHING, that my tooth would stop being so sensitve(it has) and after leaving the labrets out for a month, I got a job where facial piercings are acceptable, almost required, so I decided to put them back in. With much much shorter jewellery they aren't anywhere near my gums, yay.

I'm still completely lame, I don't check here very often, I don't have the internet at home but I really miss a lot of you guys and would love to come to a meetup. There is no money available though, in fact there is rather a negativeness of money, I can't even cover my half of the bills yet, but I may get more shifts at work soon.

If you have asked me to do any kind of drawing/commision work recently I have failed, let you and more importantly, myself down. I will now go and hide as always. There is no use apologising, I don't know what I'm thinking applying to uni when I can't even complete some simple graphics for a friend ):

Living in Bristol is going okay(I write a comic strip about it most days, but I can't seem to bother to upload them!) apart from missing Jon a lot for 5 days a week and having asthma so bad I had to call in sick on my 4th day of work and not meet up with Alice.

My labrets are exactly 5 years old yesterday. And I'm taking them out ):

Gum erosion. It's my own damn fault, I stopped wearing slightly too tight 6mm posts in them and I didn't pay any attention to what was going on in my mouth.

It's just on the right one, I noticed a week ago that it hurt but I was in bed in the dark and assumed I had knocked my gum on my labret, but it isn't my gum that hurts, it's the front of my tooth - the part that should be below the gumline. If I touch it with my fingernail it hurts so much.

I feel so embarrassed. I knew gum erosion could happen but I didn't spot it sooner. I haven't remembered to make a dentist appointment for years, I'll try and get a new dentist soon.

Has anyone else had this happen? Is it super bad that my *tooth* is the part hurting?

I become obsessive easily.
When I have a Job I completely throw myself into it, offer to do every shift available, spend my own money making things better, offer my art services for free, spend a lot of my money there and feel disloyal if I ask for any time off at all. Due to this people come to rely on me, I take on more than I can handle, I become tired, don't have enough time to do my art, I don't take time off to visit my friends/do fun things and become slowly more depressed.
When I don't have the time or energy to pick up a pencil, the only other thing that keeps me happy is shopping. I will go to Asda in the night and blow all of my money on things I don't need, it honestly makes me feel better. Jon is the same.
That is my vicious circle of having a damn minimum-wage Job.

Since I have lost my job I have been unbelievably inspired art-wise. I get up, I sew, I draw, I design, I take 5min breaks to have a cigarette in the sun and play games on my phone, I draw some more, I sew some more, I do a daily report comic for Jon on my day(which you can all read online now if you like!), I sew some more, I maybe have a bath, I maybe eat something and then I draw in bed.
My sewing has improved so much just due to determination and my Reader's Digest Book of Sewing that I got for £2 <3 If I want something I make it.

I had already decided to apply for uni, but that's all going to hang on how strong my portfolio is - since my qualifications are extremely questionable. I must get in. I'm not taking no for an answer even if that means I have to do an extra 1 or 2 years foundation.
I do wish I had made better use of my opportunities at college but I know I'm in a better place now and I'm prepared to work hard to get a degree. As much as I loved cooking in a pub, I'm not going to do that as a career!!

That turned into a bit of an epic^ I was just posting to IAM to say 'I'm okay, would like to be involved in meets and drunken shenanigans' haha. Might cross post it to livejournal. Watch that space for updates on my portfolio, I really have to get a wiggle on with it if it's going to be good enough.
x x x x x x

I lost my job walked out of my job! Super long story, basicaly I was scared for my phisical welbeing. It's a shame because I loved that job.

I'm just itching to do something fun like attend an IAM meet.... but I'm so out of contact. I haven't spoen to anyone all year ): Even those who looked after me last summer. I'm sorry.

So poor though.

LJ here

Hey guys....
I don't get on IAM much, because it makes me sad I can't come and play... Wish I could just give this all up and become a full-time Lolita. But we has a house now /:

Some pictures of the new house up on my Livejournal, house warming is next Tuesday and you are of course all invited, but it's a bit out of the way *sigh*

I do love slicing up meat though, and have even tried some chicken, mince and venison. Not becuase I don't want to be a vegetarian any more but I want to be able to eat anything if I choose to, just need to get over the squeamishness.

I have an interveiw for professional cookery on monday. Reeealy must ask for a little time off though, I'm so bummed I'm not going to any festivals(well maybe one in october) *sigh*

xxxxxxx

I have a job!!!!!!! o_O Thankyou for all the lucks guys!

I have been working in a (tiny tiny) kitchen in a pub that can get quite busy as it has a great family beer garden, skittle ally and a warm smoking shelter. Cooking is so much fun and easier that I expected!! May Day was a great challenge and I have finally met people my own age in my village.

Of course I can't be too happy because Jonathan has had a shit week. Completely abused by his new managers, constructive dismissal, drug accusations and slander... not just him, all the original staff at that pub. Urgh, I can't even begin to explain, they're probably taking legal action. My job is to keep him motivated with cuddles and cups of tea and of course earn a wage if he looses his job.

Sunny. I love Summer. x

To prove that I can still say something and actually follow it up ~ :D 10-metre net petticoat!!!

Now, I maybe maybe maybe have been offered a job without even trying /: I'm going to find out now.

xxx

Mark 2, positive diary:

I have 10 metres of dress net and I hope very soon it will be transformed into something that will hinder me getting through caravan doorways and into taxi cabs
Did I mention I live in a caravan?

I'm extremely into sewing, embroidery, beading and altering clothes at the moment. It's going slowly as I do not have a working sewing machine or much money. Charity shops are good.

I have also been babysitting 4 of my friends children and they seem to really like me. They have a 5th and she is tiny tiny, I love holding her....I'm so broody! It's a great job, they pay me mostly in food.

I have wool wrapped into my hair... I had to dread the back to stop the wool from slipping because it's so short, I'm thinking of dreading the rest too. I love it but ohhh I'm not going to get a job looking like this... not in this village! /:

See I'm positive.... d:

I'm sorry for the whining and for endlessly ignoring Alice, Emzy, Andy and everyone else's good advice. Thankyou guys <3

I'm looking for a job. One problem is that I take rejection unreasonably personally... Tesco turned me down without even an interview(I would be great at shelf stacking, but apparently they are all Polish or Turkish) and I felt so bad I can't face the thought of getting turned down after an interview.

The other problem is a niggling feeling that I would be a fucking awesome studio bitch/apprentice(apprentice anything!)/jewellery designer/creator/custom work artist.... etc. but my fear of rejection from even menial jobs makes me to scared to apply. I have taken a few small steps, contacting people through facebook... really must remember to get a current portfolio online.

YES I am making up millions of excuses and I should just suck it up and get on with it. I'm letting myself down.

xxxx