Mmmm Blood: I need to stop punching windows...but it's so satisfying!
Piercings
1 inch pyrex plugs: very well healed lobes
dear darling, you were right about them all
[URSULA]
is: 23/ antisocial/ numb/ fond of reading/ irritable/ hurt/ in no hurry/ not a liar/ all about the inconsistent capitalisation/ a college drop-out/ mad as a hatter /a poet of some sort/ pretty damn smart/ completely random
It makes sense that it should hurt in this way
That you slowly fade, and yet still remain.
2007/10/10 16:49 No need to consider suicide, as I will surely freeze to death soon.
Oh, Vegas. Yes, went, am back.
2007/10/01 18:41 I am hot, tired, and vaguely nauseated. If I am sick for Vegas I will just have to kill myself. Maybe Bradley wasn't sick from switching meds..maybe it was just a bug and now he's passed it to me. No, that is unacceptable. I am going to be better by tomorrow and there will be no arguments from my body. That is final!
Otherwise, I am just about done packing, got the iPod loaded up, looks like we've got the parking/ride to the airport thing figured out...things should be good. And hey, I may be bringing four dresses and six pairs of shoes, but my suitcase still closes easily, so it's all good.
VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007/09/24 16:30 Looming, as always, on the brink of starvation. I was diverted from my original plan of having some cereal by the lack of milk. And cereal. I am now eating a dry crumpet. I have no idea what a crumpet is in the traditional English tea sense, but I suspect it in no way resembles this rubbery cross between a pancake and an english muffin, that some company decided to market as "crumpets."
Also looming near is our trip tp Vegas. That is much more welcome. We leave on the 3rd to stay for five nights at the fabulous...Gold Spike! Yay! I'll be bringing my own sheets. Maybe some draino. The reviews vary, but everyone seems to agree the plumbing isn't so great. Ah, well, I am thinking it will mostly just be a place to stick the luggage, maybe, possibly, sleep a couple times...I have plenty of Adderall to keep us up for six days, and what better place to go insane and start hallucinating from lack of sleep than Vegas? Disclaimer: I'm actually going to avoid the Adderall, because all staying up for that long does is make you paranoid and depressed. It's really not fun. And fun fun fun fun! it will be had at all costs. I don't think this will be that difficult to accomplish, but I could see somehow cashing out of plane tickets after everything else is lost (prolly on the second day) I'm sure we'll have a lovely future as a lounge singer and cocktail waitress. Yes, I should have been born in a different time. I would have been happy with the vegas of the fifties. But I'm willing to work with what I've got and mold it to my expectations. I have worn non-ironic feathered hats in public before. It's not pathetic when you understand that 99% of people are not going to appreciate your awesomeness. It just gives you a certain sense of conviction.
"and your eye will explode"
2007/09/13 14:10
I finally went to see a specialist today about the scarring on my corneas. I always joke that it's so bad, I should just get a cornea transplant...
So, he checked my eyes, I asked what my options were...
"Well, your left eye's bad enough that you'd be a candidate for a corneal transplant. But I wouldn't reccommend that at your age, it's too risky, and it may not even help much."
Basically the risks are:
-Can't play sports, your cornea might pop off and your eye will explode.
-Can't lift heavy things, your cornea might pop off and your eye will explode.
-Can't strain your eyes in any way, your cornea might pop off, and your eye will explode.
-Hell, you probably don't even want to risk sneezing, your cornea might pop off, and your eye will explode.
(Ok, he said rupture, but exploding eyes sound so much more dramatic. Although the thought of it rupturing is dramatic enough for me. I will not be having a corneal transplant.)
So I just have a lifetime ahead of me of explaining I have extremely bad vision, and no, glasses won't help, they can't let me see through scars!!!!!! I don't know why this is such a hard concept to grasp, but no one seems to get it. My vision is bad not because I am nearsighted, or farsighted, which glasses might help, but because I have permanent scarring on my corneas, so bad that I can't even read with my left eye. If my right eye was also that bad, I'd honestly probably kill myself.
2007/09/04 00:27 So, it was Friday night, we were heading to the casino. Bradley mentioned he's going to Vegas in October. I, of course, said something along the lines of "I wish I could go to Vegas." So he said "Ok, if I win $1000 tonight I'll take you to Vegas with me." So we got there, fed some money into one slot machine, it wasn't being nice, so moved onto another one. A few spins and Jackpot! We (ok, technically, he, it was his money, and he was playing) hit the bonus, and then five wilds within the bonus. $1800! And so it comes to pass I'm going to Vegas baby!
And then we commenced to have a super awesome weekend after that. Went to Mad Planet after the casino Friday and danced like crazy. Saturday hung around and stopped by his parents house for a minute, had lunch at the casino, then met his friend Dan and went to the casino again for a little while (yeah, at this point we begin to wonder if Bradley has a little gambling problem. But I totally understand the attraction, and especially when you hit the jackpot, the excitement is tripled) and then moved on to La Cage, a gay dance club. So much fun, at one point a really butch lesbian was glaring at me while I was making out with Bradley...presumably I was acting too straight. And the Dan and I spend some time looking at each other and laughing while Bradley hammed it up on the dance floor...you wouldn't guess which guy was the gay one looking at them. (Teehee, just my cup of tea) Then Sunday night karaoke! We met up with some girls he knows at Club Anything. Bradley started out the singing, so of course no one else looked good for the rest of the night. (Yeah, on top of being cute and awesome and smart and liking to dance, the boy can also sing. Dear god.) And today slept in, went out for a late breakfast, then saw the Simpsons movie. Also liberally dispersed throughout the weekend was much going out to eat, watching of movies, cuddling, and hot, hot sex. I'm going to go pass out of happiness now, or something.
2007/08/29 11:38 I don't know why I always get so horribly, unreasonably depressed around my birthday and holidays. (It has nothing to do with getting older. Like I care.) But either way, there it is, and I am depressed, as usual.
2007/08/28 22:13 It started out as a rage headache, but now it has faded to a headache of depressed apathy.
Also, it will be my birthday in two hours. Fuck that shit.
Girly Squeeeing
2007/08/25 22:06 Went out with a new boy last night. I had more fun than I've had in a long time (except for one bad moment, which was all my fault because I'm a stupid drunken asshole...but he was nice about, so hopefully won't hold it against me) And had fun hanging out today too...we went to Potawatami for the buffet, and then played some 2 cent slots...and he won $70! It was awesome. And it was reinforced that I'm really unlucky, but I already knew that. I'm just happy that I like him a lot...I rarely like people, so genuinely liking someone comes as a pleasant surprise. And he seems to like me too (or is just excessively polite and can't say no, ha.) I'm sure he thinks I'm a social retard, but that is pretty much true, and possibly a nymphomaniac...which is not exactly true, but I do enjoy sex. So yay, maybe this will go somewhere...who knows, I shall wait and see.
Or of course maybe he does like me, and was okay with having sex with me, and is not interested in anything further than that. But that's a rather depressing thought, so I'm going to avoid thinking it.
Embarassing celebrity crush
2007/08/22 19:22 Just developed a crush on Gerard Way. It happened when he put on the red feather boa. I think I was exposed to Rocky Horror Picture Show at too young an age. (well, actually, I think I was born a pervert. the other children didn't like RHPC. and they thought Davis bowie as the troll king was scary...not disturbingly attractive. To this day I can terrify my cousin with mentions of David Bowie or Labyrinth)
2007/08/20 00:36 To be less whiny, had a lot of fun last weekend. Saturday night Marion and I went to State Fair. I wasn’t planning on going, as the kind of fat, slack-jawed ignorant people there infuriate me more and more…I’m a cranky old lady at 22…but I had a craving for Saz’s mozzarella sticks and a cream puff. (Yeah, fatty fatty fat fat wants a cream puff :p) Then found the best thing ever: a flask belt buckle. According to Marion, I am sheltered because I’d never seen one of them before. But anyway, had to get it and will now wear it whenever possible. Not that I will be able the ever get down the straight rum I put in it. Then we met up with my sister and co. where a hilarious incident occurred. We were all sitting at a picnic table under a tent when one of the trash picker/cleaner/whatever people comes up and starts poking her broom under the table at us, and then tells us to move so she can clean under the table. Now, we are under this tent with a bunch of other tables, some of which are occupied, some not. There is trash by all of them, and all around the open space around us too, so obviously it would make sense to clean those areas, and not a table with ten people at it. So I sensibly pointed this out to her, and the others joined in. She stared at us in bewilderment for a minute, told us to move again, and when we didn’t, began literally slobbering with rage, and then while on the job called a friend to come start a fight. So we just stood there and laughed hysterically at the spectacle of this 300 pound woman drooling on herself and brandishing a broom, and did not point out how truly sad it is that she is too stupid even to pick up garbage off the ground. But my spotty memory and ineloquent writing cannot convey the true hilarity of the scene. But it was good.
Then Sunday me, Marion, Sonja, Joel, Kelsey, and their friend Nick went swimming at Lannon quarry. Lots of fun, me, Joel and Nick drank a bottle of rum (allow me to point out that we are all excellent swimmers, and there are lifeguards,) then we all swam a bit and watched about 100 born-agains get baptized. I was able to refrain from screaming “it burns, it burns” when getting in the water, or calling upon satan, but I did ask one of them why exactly they would choose the a very busy, distinctly unspiritual-feeling public beach to do a large mass baptism. He did not seem to understand my point. (My dad later pointed out when I told him: these people have no imagination.) After we got tired of that we went around to the other side of the quarry and found a nice little ten-foot cliff to jump off of (of course, I had to swim over to it first and test the water for rocks or scary seaweed before any one else would go in,) which was a lot of fun until the rangers came and told us to go back to the swimming area. A few retards drown twenty years ago, and they suck all the fun out of a place. Why the fuck would you go swimming if you can’t swim?!
